I need some love advice. My boyfriend says it’s over, and I love him. How can I keep him?

Hi honey. Come up here on my porch, sit a little while in the rocker there, and let’s talk about your problem.

So, your boyfriend says “It’s over,” eh? Ouch, little one – that must hurt your heart a heap. Did he happen to give a reason? Was this a sudden change, or had he been acting more distant before this revelation? No matter, really. We always look for the “Why?” in relationships, but usually the darned fools don’t even know the “why” themselves. Sometimes, I wish we could switch our emotions on and off like light switches; life sure would hurt less if we could. But since we can’t do that, let’s look at how you can start healing.

If you think he’d be willing, you can try to talk about it – but usually, Lamb, once the fellow says it’s “over,” his heart’s already flown, and there’s not a darned thing in this wide old world that you can do to “keep” him. Now, now – I know that’s not the answer you wanted from me, and yes, I know you love him, you just told me so. And I know that there just aren’t enough words in any language to describe the kind of pain you’re feeling. Believe it or not, old Granny’s sat in that same rocker a time or two herself. And I know you don’t believe me right now, but that knife-pain you’re feeling will eventually dull, and even heal over. Oh yes, it will, as long as we help the healing along a bit.

So, here’s what I want you to do: give yourself both time and permission to grieve the loss of this relationship. In many ways, you’re grieving for a future that you thought you had, and it’s not just OK to cry about that, it’s important that you do so. But – BUT – no longer than one week may you stay weepy. Anything over that time isn’t helping you to heal, it’s just wetting the ground so you can dig yourself a hole to crawl into, and we’re not going to let you do that. During your weepy-week, I want you to drink two cups of nice warm chamomile tea with a little honey in it, one when you get up in the morning, and one before you go to bed. Chamomile will help calm your nerves, soothe your spirit, and clear your poor head a little.

Next, I want you to concentrate on yourself for a little bit. Sit down and make a list of all the things you did NOT get to do while you were with this fellow. What you’re doing is finding the positives. Maybe he didn’t like girly movies (Mamma calls those “chick flicks,” I think) or maybe he didn’t like to eat Chinese food. Whatever you choose, I’ll bet you come up with some things that you’d like to do now. Also make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do. Be sure and get out there and DO them! Take walks; exercise helps your heart and clears your head. Finally, I want you to realize what a fine, strong woman you are. Always remember that you are defined from within, and are a whole person who has a lot to bring to the table in any relationship.

Hang in there, darlin. It’ll get better, I promise. And come on back and sit with me here any time you need to.

Love, Granny