I have grown kids who have their own homes. When they come for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter or any other special family gathering, they never contribute to the meal. I think it is time for everyone to pitch in. They are all good cooks, the men and the women. What should I do?

It is time for mom to lay down the new family gathering rules and don’t feel guilty about doing it. They are adults after all. This year tell them way ahead of time you are expecting them each to contribute a dish for dinner or food for before or dessert after. Tell them what you will be making and what the list of dishes, desserts, snacks, salads, vegetables, breads are and ask them to choose one or more to make. If they are on their own and all know how to cook then they are perfectly capable of contributing to the meal and the festivities. There is no reason why they should just show up and expect to be treated and served like you are running a restaurant. These are special events for everyone involved and it should not all be on your shoulders alone unless you want it to be, which you don’t. I’m sure they are all familiar with the family favourites and are quite capable of making them too. Who knows since they all cook they may be able to come up with some new ideas and new favourite food ideas for the holidays too. Make sure you lay down the law and say if you don’t bring what you are supposed to bring, we won’t have it. It is kind of tough but if that happens once, they will learn quickly that you mean business. It could also be too that maybe they didn’t want to take the experience away from you. Once they know that you want help, they may be more than willing to jump in with their fair share. Mama Nono