How do I get started with a divorce?

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My husband and I are not getting along, and I’ve decided to get a divorce. Do you have any advice for starting the process of getting a divorce?

Okay, so you think you want a divorce. I’m so sorry that your marriage did not work out the way you had planned. You don’t mention the cause of the divorce other than the diea that you “are not getting along”. So, I have some questions for you: Is this a short term thing? Did you try to work it out? Is there an underlying major philosophical difference? Do you remember why you got married in the first place? These questions aren’t meant to hurt you dear, but the cold hard truth is that marriage takes work. Don’t ask Granny and Momma how many times we’ve thought about ditching our respective husbands. That’s something you forget in the good times. When I was going through one of those rough patches, my Granny told me that on the bad days, you have to give 100 percent and chances are, he feels like he’s giving 100 percent too. My Granny was married 40 years before Grandpa left this earth and now, 25 years later, she says she still walks into the living room at times and starts to tell him things. “Charlie…” she’ll say, and then remember he’s been gone for years. Their marriage was never idyllic, but they kept it together through World War II, the loss of their first child (she lived 14 months) and raising 6 other children. If you are just going through tough times, consider counseling from a professional or a trusted minister. If there is truly no hope for this marriage, see an attorney now. Many, many people decide when the marriage is over to just leave and be done with it. A good friend of mine left her husband and even left behind family heirlooms just because she wanted to be out of her marriage. Unfortunately, later, she recalled that her grandmother’s table and many other irreplaceable items had been left behind. Divorce attorneys can be much more practical than we are when our emotions are involved. Tell your attorney everything and they can best help you get your share of the marital assets as well as your personal property. If there is a potential for violance, seek a restraining order. If you have children, work out a written agreement as soon as possible regarding visitation, child support, etc. Even if you think you might eventually work things out, spelling out details during the separation is important. For people who cannot afford an attorney, there are options for “do it yourself” divorce in almost every state. Your local county or city courthouse will probably have the neccessary documents available on line. However, if you can scrape together the fee, it is worth it to ahve a professional advocate on your side. Even divorces that begin amenably have a tendancy to turn out poorly, so you must protect yourself and you rights. Finally, keep a daily journal and write down anything that might be pertinent to your divorce. Did you arrange visitation and he showed up two hours late or not at all? Write it down. Did he pay you $50 for groceries? Keep a receipt book and document that you received the money and how you spent it. One more last thing: Find someone to talk to. Granny’ll lend you an ear, I’m here to listen, or have coffee with your BFF. Whatever you do, tell soembody how you are hurting so you don’t go through this alone.

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The answer to "How do I get started with a divorce?"

Question asked on May 8, 2008at 1:23 pm:: Comments (0)

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